Broken and still unfixed

J.P. is talking to one of my past guys.

I don't mean to put that like i've had a billion, but there are reasons why it didn't last with the previous guys.

It hurt hearing it from him though,

I know I called things off because the distance hurt so much..

Confession..

I cried every single time J.P. left or I left him. Every . Single Time.


I cried because I had no idea when i'd see him next.

I cried because I didn't want him meeting someone more amazing then me.

So selfish that I don't want him with someone like the guy he's talking too now..

I've told him that the only reason I put a hold on things because the distance was too damn hard! I still care about him..

And the guy i've been dating, he is sweet and kind, but he is also very attached to me already.

After 2 weeks, I just want to date, have fun and look for what I want.

I think I might be hurting this new guy more and more everyday, because I dont want a relationship right now, I just ended one with the greatest man that I've ever met. I am not ready to just dive in with someone else.

I don't know what to do. I ask for help

Screaming for people to help me decide, but no one knows. All the advice that i've got is to have fun, that i'm young... but what about all the connections i'm making, all the ones i'm breaking, possibly ruining forever..


I'm sick to my stomach,

I dont know what to do..

Pursue things with Nel, date him and become boyfriends as easy as that.

Or do I date around, there are some guys that I haven't given a chance, and I feel so horrible becasue.. if hes reading this.. which I doubt he is, I do want to go on a date with him.

The world is spinning so fast I cant hold on.

Do I hold on and get sick and dizzy, or do I let go.. where its easy.

Never leave my house , i've gotten in that mind set before..

After a breakup I never left my room, never really ate.

Never drank anything, just sat.

Very unhealthy I get it.. but.. shit.. its the only way to escape heartbreak,

Life is about finding what you want, riding the waves and going through the ups and downs until you get it right..

but I am done with the storm..

when is it easy..


When is it just simple..

I think I already know the answer..

Its Never.
"If life were easy, where would all the adventures be"

Cinderella wouldnt have met her prince if she never worked her way to the ball,

Ariel would never have experienced life first hand if she didn't mess up, break the rules and journey to the impossible.

Belle went looking for her father in the forest, was brave enough to stay with the beast, though terrible at first she learned that beauty is within.

All these fairy tales showed that life isnt as easy as it seems..

But its hard living through all the twist and turns...

I'm stressed about school

about money

about rent

about finding another roomie.

wondering who my real friends are

missing my old ones..

Love.. and its own confusing headaches...

I feel empty..

there ya go.. I said it.

IM EMPTY