Half Life

"I knew that I'd get like this again
That's why I try to keep at bay
Be a hundred percent when I'm with you and then
A perfect heart's length away

The stickler is you've played not one beat wrong
You never promised me anything
Even sat me down, warned me just how they fall
And I knew the odds were I'd never win

yet here I am
It's a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life

My self-worth measured in text back tempo
It's been 2 days and 8 minutes too slow
There may well be others but I still like to pretend
That I'm the one you really want to grow old with

You've got a schedule to stick to
Got a world to keep sweet
You're so much to everyone all the time
Will you ever slow down? Will I ever come first?
The universe contracts to sign
Hold me darling, please

It's a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life
It's a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life

You know you'll never be lonely
You know you'll always be loved
And maybe you'll never need more than that
But of the surplus that loves, what's to become of us?
Does it even register on your conscience?

Long for one last showdown
From a box in the crowd, air compressed tight to explode
I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out
As you disappear in a puff of smoke

It's a half life
With you as my quarterback
A daft life "
 -Imogen Heap   Half Life

Everyone reading needs to hear this song, go to youtube or google it.

This song describes how I feel about J.P.
I felt us cracking, the distance being too much, a small tiny crack burst into a spider-web crack, and that fell about into nothing at all.

I want to date, I want to have fun. I met someone, nothing serious.. but I am just seeing how it works out. I am just going to be focusing on me. on being single

I've never been selfish, I put others first but right now.... As much as i'm hurting over losing J.P.. I know that if its meant to be, maybe we will meet in the future, maybe we won't.

Perhaps I wasn't grown up enough to last in such a long distance relationship.. I just couldn't keep telling J.P. I loved him, and then hang out with other guys..I just felt like it wasn't fair to him.

He was sad and now hes angry, he tells me he put alot of trust in me. He fell in love with me and I just...threw him down into the dirt..

Am I a horrible person for wanting someone close?
Tired of waiting to be happy, It was always waiting with J.P. Waiting to see him, waiting to know when I'd see him next..

I'm going to just be single..

I keep crying every time I hear a song or a tie that leads me back to J.P. But I have to realize that it wasnt meant to be..

But tell me... am I selfish? I couldn't fix the crack. They just keep getting worse..

The song Half Life is exactly how I feel..

"My self worth measured in text-back tempo, its been 3 days and 8 minutes too slow. Well there may well be others but I still like to pretend that i'm the one you want to grow old with. "

I am tired of living a half life. Tired of flakey roomates.

Tired of hurting.. What is the point of getting close to someone if it just makes you that much more fragile..

Tired of breaking..

-nick