Entertainment

Not sure why the title is what it is, maybe its because it was on my mind tonight.


  I got off early from work and I was determined to have a good time tonight,
so I facebooked, texted and called friends to make plans.

Well as luck would have it, or I should say MY luck, no parties tonight.

Nothing newsworthy and exciting, then my phone rings and my old roomie/friend was calling, Dal.

I have blogged about him, in short, he was my roomate. Very negative at times, rude most of the time, stubborn and one of the funniest people I know.

When he first moved in he was nice, but distant. He would do his thing and the more I hung out with him, the more I liked him, which is dumb.. falling for a roomate, I knew this at the time.. But he was just so different.. almost.. broken even. And I wanted to help fix him, because behind all the snide comments or jokes there was someone who had been hurt a billion times, both by family and friends.

He pushed me away a lot, and sometimes he would randomly open up and we would talk, he is brutally honest, and I needed it.. However, some of the things he told me really upset me, apparently (since talking to him tonight) I haven't changed much.

I have this thing where if i'm hanging out with someone, i never know if they are bored and want to leave.. I've done it, ive been hanging out with someone and I think of ways I could leave, its rude,I know this but you can only take so much of certain people.

Anyway he told me I was a pushover, that I let people walk all over me, which kinda hurt because I am just a nice person, I admit, being too nice sometimes is bad because there are people who take advantage of that..and I've never been a person who looks for fights and fights back,

I just think things can be handled different ways, so hearing that kind of stung.. anyway, he taught me never to be sorry about anything, and the entire time I lived there I stopped saying sorry, it was like he was training me to be like him, which sometimes, he is awesome, he never takes crap from anyone , everyone likes him, but then again he has this thick shell.

You have to be hanging out with him, coaxing him to let his wall down, for him to actually show you who he is, and that is why I liked him so much, because on those rare occasions where I got to see the real Dal, I like it, I liked him.  Well it didnt work out, I'd always be down when we were drunk.. and there were a couple things he said that hurt, that I am not sure he knew how much it did..

Either way, he moved out monthes and monthes ago, but hanging out tonight was just fun because I missed the good old times, the fun stuff we used to do, all his funny comments on movies or shows we were watching.. Back then he knew that I like him, and just ignored it, but after I got over him all those months ago, its actually fun hanging out with him, flirting it up and just the playfulness of it.

  I've read his blog, its sad.. He seems like a very sad person, though he doesn't show it often..

I'm not down on myself ALL the time, i've actually gotten really good lately on not being so hard on myself over things, I've grown up in the couple monthes.. It seems with every roomie I learn a lesson, or experience a whole different type of person..

  It just sucks working and trying to survive in life when I have roomates who are bored, or sleep all day or who start random drama at their work... I wish I could find nice roomates again, I've given up home.. Ive had at least 10 people in and out of my apartment, ranging from Gay, straight, girls, guys, drinkers, partiers, you name it..

  I miss waking up and feeling like I was waking up to my own little family, where Brit or Kayli would be making breakfast, or Dal making oatmeal at a insane time in the morning before work. Coming home to Ken trying to put water in the fish tank, SOAKED with water because he cant figure the filter out. Watching movies with Alex, his crazy-ass comedies, quoting things with Kamika and staying up laughing our asses off talking, I have learned to stop trusting people so easily.. Like the roomate I have living with me now.. she is a drama causer, she is bad news..

  Anyways, seeing Dal again brought up all the good times, and I really can't wait to hang out more,

me and J.P. are still doing great, though he's been distant due to family visiting and working... I still Love him, want him and need him.. But I hate the days where we barely talk, or he barely has time to text or video chat... he seems to be fine not talking for days but it drives in crazy.

I hope he knows how much I care about him, because I do. Sometime when we talk I just blank and I ahve nothing to say, then we hang up and I remember I wanted to ask him all these questions, or something to make him laugh.

Or I have something I really need to talk about and hes busy, then he calls and says "Im all yours"
and I blank again, I just hope he knows im not some bimbo.. Im not the smartest guy out there but I can have my moments of intelligence.

  Oh and about the pushover thing I am pretty sure that I am getting better at standing up for myself, becaues i've learned that sometimes no one will be there to help you, and you have to rely on YOu and only you.. or... your screwed..

Well I will have to re edit this later because im tired.. I work early.. just wanted to get my thoughts down...

Thanks for checking up

-nick