I'm Back

Hello there,

I took a bit of a break from my blog, away from the negative thoughts that I constantly find myself wallowing in.

I have days where I think the world will collapse on top of me, some days I feel I can't breathe.

But there are days like today that make it okay, That I know that I'm so lucky to be where I am right now.


I have a very nice apartment, though at times it seems like its too much work because everything seems to be falling apart, I know that its the best I can do right now and I'm okay with it. I am talking to my Mom again, which is weird.
We don't touch the subject of being Gay, but we can talk and be cival with one another, which I think is both strange and great. I don't hate her anymore which I probably shouldn't have in the first place, I've realized dealing with people like her in the world, through my work or on the streets. I've realized that some people are just ignorant and stuck in their ways, and it's not my fault that I can't make them see that my lifestyle is normal. They have their life and I have mine.

   I feel like i've somewhat grown a lot in the past couple months, I've dealt with personal struggles where my inner demons threatened to take over my life. I'm in a good place right now and for the first time in months i'm happy.
I've met some pretty great people working at the movie theater, people who have changed my opinions of people, people who have restored my faith in finding worthwhile people in this town. I don't see a lot of my old friends but I think about them almost every single day, I miss the old times.

I've met some amazing Men these past couple months, ones that make me realize what i've been missing. I like dating different guys, going to the mall or grabbing lunch or having dinner, I'm happy with being single.
Its funny to me that I can go weeks or months without a guy giving me a second look, but when one guy is interested, there are 2 or 3 more that suddenly are. I don't mean to sound stuck up or arrogant, but its weird to have a different types of guys interested in me.

I've found with this one guy I've gone on a couple dates with that I need to learn so much more then I have been, I need to sign up for college. Not to sound stupid but talking with him makes me feel dumb, only because of the big words and deep conversations. I am not getting down on myself but I've needed a good, worthwhile conversation, and with him its never-ending.

I've heard some rumors floating around Saint George about me, Which I find strange because I was once the "Gay Guy" that everyone was curious about because they have never heard of me, but it turns out that someone is spreading nasty rumors, and though I can't help it. I wish I could just set everyone straight on the matter, I was going to list the rumors on here and disprove them each, but I am not even wasting my time on them. People can think what they want about me, I know who I am. I know my self-worth.

I've been talking to this other guy and i've been reading his blog... let me tell you..its probably one of the most beautiful things i've ever read... I want my blog to be something that brings me people to tears, or helps someone realize something to help them in their life. I'm starting this blog as me, Nicholas Michael Irwin Goodman, no more hiding no more pretending.

I am me.

Thank you all for reading, I look forward to reading all of your blogs, I love catching up with each of you through your words, You all Inspire me to be better!

-Nick